life

Life Lessons – My Conclusions before heading off to college

Some Life Lessons –

  1. Don’t be afraid to speak up
    1. I think when I was younger, I was afraid to talk to a lot of the older people in youth group. It was partly because I was intimidated, partly because I thought I didn’t have anything substantial to add, partly because I didn’t want them to judge me. Don’t be afraid to say what you think. This means in youth group, don’t be afraid to add on something that’s going on in your mind. It also means simply to have faith in yourself and your abilities.
  2. Hold on to your relationships.
    1. Especially when you’re going through some of those rough years in high school, it is crucial that you maintain good relationships. Your friends can hold you accountable, tell you when they think you’re doing something good or gently let you know if they think you’re doing something wrong. They’re also the ones you get to spend some of the best and happiest memories. Also, cherish your family relationships as well. I’ve been incredibly blessed to have an amazing family and this has been my foundation for getting me through so many things.
  3. Be true to who you are and your values
    1. There will most definitely be a moment in your life where your values will be put into question. Stay true to them. My dad often has told me to not simply just listen to what people tell you – whether that’s at school, in the news, in church – to make your decisions and your opinions for yourself. Stay true to them!
  4. Think big picture
    1. We have a lot of worries and a lot of stress especially in high school. But always, always, always think big picture. You’re happy, you’re healthy, you’re safe, and you have lots of people who love you and care about you. That’s really all that matters in the end yeah?
  5. Be committed
    1. Finally, I would like to stress how important it is to be committed to Jesus. Make it a habit – prayer, reading the Bible, going to church. You think these things are very straightforward routine concepts that every Christian follows, but that’s because they really actually help grow you spiritually. I found my faith to be strongest and when I was the happiest when I was really on top of those things. even when you don’t want to do certain things because you don’t have the time, do it do it do it I’ve learned the hard way. it is so important to be committed because having a faith in Jesus that grows and grows and grows will be a foundation to all those other values.

thinking about writing a long blog post

haha feels like 30 days of thanks was eons ago… and it was only maybe two weeks ago

man the times fly by so fast

right now, i’m sitting by myself in a room, all wrapped up in fuzzy blankets and pillows, chilling with a nice cup of orange juice

promptly writing/trying to write approximately 50 bazillion college applications all at once

college apps make you think a lot about life to be honest and the type of person you are and the type of person you want to be

it is a constant struggle of prediction and chaos and self esteem and confidence

what does the college think of you?

what does the college want from you?

am i good enough to beat this person?

are their stats as good as mine?

is it worth it to put my heart to one college?

omg five thousand applications due tomorrow what do i do?

haha these are some of the questions going through my own head right now, as much as i hate to admit

prayers and trust in jesus ❤ all will be well

Anniversary!

A couple days ago was the anniversary of my blog. I started my blog September 2013 and I am quite surprised that I am still continuing it. It originally started as a place for me to just express myself and to really just write for myself. However, on a whim, I decided to leave it public and encouraged browser searches because I wanted to know if someone would actually read my blog. The thought that one individual beside myself was wondering about the author, had the thought of me on their mind, even for just a second as they scrolled was astounding and mind blowing and not deterring at all (which varies a lot with types of people, I know).

A year later, my blog is still a place for me to express myself and to write for myself simply because all of my followers, or at least most of my followers, don’t know me at all! They may know things about me, my appearance or my style of writing, or the things I do, but they don’t know know me (if that makes sense). Therefore, everything that is expressed… well it doesn’t matter too much that they know because they can’t actually affect me emotionally, I suppose. At the same time, this blog has become something greater. It has been a place for me to share the things that I have never before shared – fashion, deep thoughts, style, pinterests of my favorite food, my love for watercolor. It has also become a place where I can try and encourage all those around me… to bring some sort of guidance and my own perspective on the world.

I realize now that my blog can be used for greater purposes than just my own personal thoughts. I hope to continue this effort of reaching out to people all over the world, so that they may laugh with me and cry with me, understand my thoughts, support the passionate organizations I support, or just bring to them a lovely, interesting article to read.

Here’s an interesting progression of how things have gone. Still really surprised as to why I suddenly got so many views in the last month on my blog, but that’s okay, I wont’ question it and just accept it and use it. Happy anniversary to me 🙂

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all’s well that ends well?

I had a hunker dunker big tough year. My relationship with God has been feeling like a spiral continuously downwards. I’ve struggled a lot with my grades and being accepted and general expectations of those around me and particularly my parents. I want to do well, I really do. But as I think about my AP scores and my SAT subject test score that I will find out soon enough, I crumble a little from fear and from sadness and stress. 

But is everything going to be okay? I have a lot to be thankful for. The miraculous 6 point boost to my failure of a chem grade. The generous actions of my teachers. The forever love of an amazing God who will never abandon me. Is all well that ends well? 

Summer is the start of something new. Of the lovely smell of honeysuckle and the promises of new friendship and cherished memories. Summer I will do better. All will be well 🙂 

Perhaps a goal to blog more? I hope so 😛 Dreadfully sorry :/ 

Friendship

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. (NLT)

Friendship is a wonderful wonderful wonderful thing.

I met my best friend when I was 7. She was 6. We both played piano with the same teacher and were put together due to our closeness in age to be duet partners. Ohhhhh how we fought. “You are wrong. I am right. It’s your fault, not mine.” We exchanged fiery retorts and accusations to one another, playing off key, unsynchronized, squeezed into a piano bench only meant for one.

We became frenemies. Friends by force, enemies by choice.

Take that a couple years later, and I have just found out that she has gotten into the same middle school. I was hoping she hadn’t gotten in as all my memories were ones of failed piano lessons and awkward elbow jabbing and little girl fights. As I heard her chat happily about her acceptance, secretly I groaned and dreaded the moment I would have to spend 5 out of 7 days of the week with her .

Ironically, it was during middle school that I began to consider her my best friend.

We struggled through middle school together. We became close and closer, forced together by Chinese school and piano lessons and same classes and urging parents. Looking back, our closeness and our friendship came due to odd coincidences and shallow thoughts, some that I don’t even like to admit. We were both Chinese-American girls in the same grade at the same school. We had pressures from our parents and the same likes and dislikes and even the same stupid sense of humor.

And the crush. 

We had the same crush. He had piercing blue eyes and light blond hair. Athletic and smart, funny and shy. We swooned. Our little hearts jumped in delight. We would spend hours locked up in a closet during dinner parties and just straight up gossip about him. Petty little things. I talked to him today. I think he may like you. He glanced my way. He smiled at me.

At the same time as we bonded, we struggled in that phase of our life. We were still frenemies. Friends on the outside, terrible people on the inside. I was jealous of her grades. She was jealous of my popularity. (Side note: that popularity no longer exists hahahahaha sighhhh) We were mean to each other. Selfish. Not like friends are supposed to be.

She began coming to my church when we were in 7th grade. I suppose I helped start her journey in Christ, the one that God was always in control of. Weirdly enough, I was not happy. Simply jealous that she had begun to share my church friends, my church experiences, my role models.

I saw her 7 days a week that time. 5 days of school, Saturday Chinese School, Sunday Church. Every single day. It drove us crazy. We fought like crazy for those two years. Too much of each other. Not enough by ourselves. High school we finally separated. Funnily, ironically, coincidentally, serendipity? She went to the school I wanted to go and I went to the school she wanted to go. Our friendship has spanned a massive 10 years. That’s where the story stops. For now.

Do you know what, though? We’ve stopped being piano duet partners as we are both way too busy. But, if we sit down and play, we are still synchronized. Perfectly. To each note.

Happy ten year friendship BFFLEUWMUIH (best friend for like ever until we meet up in heaven) You are an honorary sister. A member of the Chen clan. The only one who’s seen me mature and grow. The only one who knows truly how I feel and how to comfort me and give me advice and look analytically at my faults. Very few people experience what we have and I am forever blessed with your love. 

And to the readers who judge my horrendous choppy writing style: My thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.